Types of Medical Students : Exam Edition
I have a theory , an excellent theory now that I have pondered upon it, that the true qualities of a medical student are only observable just before they are to write their year-end examinations. This is based on the observations I have made in my dynamic class of two hundred odd students.
Our curriculum is structured so that we have lectures and copious amounts of assessments to complete before we actually write our exam no less than a week later. This is a stressful time for one and all.
It’s this stress that has enabled me to come to the conclusion that in order to discern the true qualities of a medical student from the artificial façade they display throughout the year, just visit the library two days before the exam.
The walking time-bombs
You can feel them worrying from a mile away. Worrying is built into their DNA. Not a minute goes by without them proclaiming their eminent failure or inability to retain any of their study material. You often have to console them and remind them that they are smart individuals who will not fail and have to become strippers.
The temptation to slip a beta-blocker in their tea is overwhelmingly .
The Cool Cats
They are the rough opposite of the time bombs. Their brand of calm is so suspicious that you cannot help but take whiff of the air around to see if they make use of “herbal” remedies. When everyone else is freaking out before the exam , these people have their Beats headphones on and are bobbing their heads to the sound of Bob Marley. They are on a roller coaster that only goes up my friend. Much like the dearly beloved Augustus Waters.
The Knowledge Spewers
Imagine Hermione Jean Granger in a white coat with a stethoscope. This person knows a lot and wants everyone to know it. They will tell you about the thirty hours they’ve spent studying even if you don’t ask them about it. They’ll lecture you without you asking them to. Sitting with them is akin to being drenched with a bucket of icy water.They just throw their knowledge at you. They make you feel insecure about what you thought you knew. You sometimes wish their heads would explode .
The “When did we learn that?” Student
Lily : Uh, probably when you missed all those lectures in Pathology and convinced yourself that you could revise cancer and tumour markers on your own.
The most these students have seen of the lecture hall was during the compulsory lessons we had to attend during our Introduction To Clinical Medicine module. Confronted by the sheer volume of ALL those lectures they missed out on, they turn into walking time bombs.
During the year, these students were the poster children for calmness and serenity. Nothing ever seemed to deter them. Always happy and seemingly friendly. Mention exams and suddenly they transform into absolute predators. They snap easily and have a seemingly permanent scowl on their face while they study. Do not ever make the mistake of coming to them with your examination stress because you will end up regretting it.
They remain cocky and arrogant regardless of what time of the year it is. They are not normal humans so stress does not affect them in the slightest bit. In fact, they feed on all the hopelessness and distress in the air. It motivates them to see others stressing out. They’ve been studying since the beginning of the semester. Exam time is comedy week for them because they don’t understand why everyone else is freaking out.
Solving their problem the only way they know how to : with food. During the year they eat incredibly healthily and exercise regularly. Come exam time – screw health and exercise ! Ain’t nobody got time for that !
Past Paper Mongers
Remember that rhyming line we all learnt in preschool “Sharing is Caring” , well they didn’t go to preschool so they don’t know that to share is to care. This student has so many resources that they make use of but refuse to share with others. They are so stingy ! It goes against their very nature to give their fellow classmates a helping hand in preparation for exams.
Thank goodness for senior tutors and mentors who make sure we have the resources we need. People are oddly selfish when it comes to things like past papers. We may have competed against each other to get accepted into medical school but since we all made it, shouldn’t we be helping each other out ? Just a random thought in Lily’s head 🙂
I am a combination of most of those people ! I’m usually passive aggressive but during exams I turn into a bear. I go through stages of being a walking time bomb before the exam but I transform into a cool cat on the day of . I’m also a foodie and two minutes noodles are my weakness. I have a feeling that my family derives a lot of entertainment from me during exam time.
Let me know what other sparkling personalities fill up your classes when exam time comes around. I’d love to know whether or not these crazy transformations are a thing in South African medical students only 😛
Lots Of Lily Love ❤ (LOLL)