Valentines day should also be known as “THE DAY SOME PEOPLE ARE EXTREMELY( AND QUITE FRANKLY UNNECESSARILY) PUBLIC WITH ALL THEIR AFFECTION AND MAKE EVERYONE ELSE WANT TO THROW THINGS AT THEM“.
I am of the opinion that, in a public setting, unless you are not (if not please ask yourself why) in possession of a gluteus maximus, then you have no reason to sit on anybody else’s lap. Especially if there is a designated seat upon which you are expected to sit and people from across the restaurant are glaring at you. Only if you are a toddler will I be able to comprehend that need.
A friend of mine studying psychology has thoughtfully, and quite aptly “diagnosed” me with “Public Display of Affection Aversion Syndrome “(PDAAS). It doesn’t exist but she insists that it serves as the explanation for my reluctance to celebrate Valentines Day.
I am actually a romantic at heart and I generally think that people showing affection is sweet and adorable ( it tugs at my chordae tendineae) but please do not transform a public area into an scene from 5o shades of grey because my eyes do that thing where they just do not know where on earth they are supposed to settle.
My lovely auntie thought of me on that “special day” and proceeded to attack me , once again, with a barrage of questions regarding my now famously ( amongst my relatives that is) “non-existent” love life and told me that Prince Charming would find his way to me if only I gave him some directions.
Upon my reply that my “love” life was on a need-to-know basis (to her) , she huffed and puffed and then stopped talking to me. This gives me a few more months until she decides to pester me again. #winning
I don’t celebrate it for a number of reasons but the main one being that Valentines day is a lot of work. Being on the giving end of all this affection is an exceptionally strenuous and stressful process:
- Normal (affordable) chocolate is no longer adequate to show how much you love your significant other. On this day you are expected to traverse the earth in search for the most expensive chocolate you can hope to find. Preferably of the Swiss or Belgian variety( They are the Master Chocolatiers after all) . Nothing less than than that shall be acceptable for your love.
- The roses must be blood red to show the intensity with which you desire your significant other. Any shade lighter and your significant other will , with no doubt , analyse and dissect each petal searching for the hidden message behind their not so red and passionate bouquet.
- Delivery of said bouquet must be in a public place filled with all your acquaintances because as many people as possible must bear witness to this act of dashing chivalry and romance.
- No ordinary establishment that provides ordinary sustenance shall do on this day. The restaurant of your choice must have a chef with at least four Michelin stars before your love can claim to have been wined and dined romantically. This is important dear. At least four Michelin stars.
- Heaven forbid that you should forget to regale ( or spam) all your friends on Facebook , Instagram , Snap chat and Twitter with cute hourly status updates about how much you love “your honey-pie” , “chocolate-bear” and “how your life without them would be like dust in the wind – nothing”.
- Lastly . Your profile pictures across all your social media platforms will have to change because how else can you display just how spectacular your Valentines day with your significant other was spent.
The receiving end is much nicer ( and considerably more stress-free) because all you have to do is smile and accept the gifts you have been offered. Nevertheless, I would rather take a nap.( And I did take a nap)
I’m not anti-Valentines day. I am only against the belief that all your love and and affection for your significant other are without base and meaning unless you buy them expensive red roses and expensive chocolates and take them to a ridiculously expensive restaurant ( which will probably be filled to the brim with other patrons because you will most definitely not be the only bright spark who decided to wine and dine their significant other).
I become easily overwhelmed and a day like the one above would tip me over the edge. In my opinion , consistent acts of love and affection are far better than a huge and spectacular outburst on a random day in the middle of a random month. ( I hope you’re taking notes SO – haha 😀 ;)<3)
Lots Of Lily Love (LOLL) ❤