The workload in second year quadruples every single day and weekends are patently reserved for the sole purpose of desperately trying to play catch up on the 20+ lectures that you attended during that week.
Prior to the end of block test for the respiratory system, I had a complete collapse of all mental and emotional strength . I had many lectures that I had not adequately revised and I felt a growing sense of incompetence as I slipped further and further into my vortex of stress. I began to catastrophy every single thought that came to mind. I felt entirely hopeless, completely lost and woefully overwhelmed.
When I am under duress, I tend to forget that I cannot function on less than seven hours of sleep. I forget that I need to eat more than an apple in the morning to serve as my sustenance for the day. I forget that I need to interact with people . I forget that I need my hour of solitude everyday. I forget to do the things that make me happy and I turn into a miserable hag with no time to smile or enjoy the sun on a warm day because I simply must exploit every hour of the day to its maximum potential.
Being an internaliser my instinctive reaction was to brush the stress aside and carry on as though everything was as normal. I failed in my attempt to quell my stress because my parents discovered me weeping over my notes for Cystic Fibrosis shortly before the end of block test.
Pride is my downfall. I do not like to ask for help. It made me feel feeble to admit that I did not have it all together. It was also difficult to concede that somewhere along the way the pressure had become more than I was used to handling. I perceived this as an error on my part. I thought that the fact that I was not coping well was because there was something “at fault” with me .
Putting my pride (and stubbornness) aside, I scheduled a meeting with the campus psychologist as she had been recommended by many seniors . I think it was amongst the better decisions that I have made this year. I soon realised that second year affects everyone at some point and asking for help to cope is not an indication of failure. I passed the test( I was satisfied) in spite of my gloomy outlook. I realised then that had I been a more confident in my abilities , I would have done significantly better and would’ve been more than satisfied with my mark.
The cardiovascular system block is nearly over ( 😦 insert sad faces everywhere 😦 ) and the end of block test is edging closer and closer but I am significantly less stressed than I was at the end of the respiratory system block. I really have enjoyed learning all about the heart and how it works. All the anatomy , physiology and ECGs we learnt about is integrating seamlessly with the clinical lectures that we are currently busy with now.
I have made peace with the fact that I will not always have time to get through everything as many times as I would like to but that does not mean that I know absolutely nothing . I am a million times more positive and I think that will help me yield more desirable results , not only for this block but for the five others left too. I plan to put all my newly acquired stress techniques to keep the emotional breakdowns at bay. I am feeling positive and happy ( Optimistic Lily :D)
This weekend has been particularly lovely because I succeeded in implementing the Apply Bum to Chair method. I sat myself down and proceeded to do my work efficiently without any of my usual fanfare and fuss. Here a few quotes that helped me curb my dithering antics.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis
You may delay, but time will not. ~Benjamin Franklin
The best way to get something done is to begin. ~Author Unknown
I also spent some much needed time away from books indulging myself in the company of my awesome family and friends which was lovely and much appreciated 🙂 ❤
My hair is now purple and I wear glasses permanently ❗ 😀
Lots Of Lily Love (LOLL)