Ataraxia & Adulthood

I must have jinxed myself when I proclaimed February to be the best month of the year because shortly after that followed one of the most harrowing months that I have ever experienced !

March was , simply put, hellish. I was on my Internal Medicine rotation and looking back on it , I am not entirely sure how I managed to clamber out in tact and alive 😓😓l3v0slu7u7qujuz3o.gif

I worked hard every single day of my Internal Medicine rotation and after 4 weeks , I was worn-out , to the bone in fact. The days were long , the calls even longer and the scut work never-ending. I was once again lucky to be in a firm with hard working SIs but even that could not save me from the onslaught of ward work.

I really struggled with work-study balance because I would often arrive home late  and completely exhausted. That made studying nearly impossible on most days.

The last week of internal was particularly difficult as I had two consecutive calls , an oncology research project to submit and my OSCE (with a strict examiner) all bundled into that one week.

Just my luck 😓

I nearly found myself in tears one day during that week after we finished a long post call ward round only to be confronted with hours of ward work. As the junior ( read plebian) members of the team and the occupiers of the bottom of the hierarchy all the work was left to us. We were only four students and on that day we had to do ward work for 30 patients.😢

The silver lining is that I managed to submit my project two days before it was due and I passed my OSCE !💃💃

Life After Internal Medicine . . .

After Internal Medicine , I went on to a two week theory block ; Dermatology. Compared to my previous rotation,  Internal medicine , Dermatology felt like a holiday !😎

I finally got the chance to breathe and take a short break !

We were not required to come to campus during the module as all the lectures were podcasted and notes were made available online.

I am so inclined to start writing a paper on the therapeutic nature of pressing the snooze button .

It was simply bliss to wake up and work at my own pace (slowly). I managed to get my work timeously, for which I’m glad, because after those two wonderful weeks I had an assessment to write.

Now I’m on the last week of my Forensic Pathology theory block and the pressure is slowly starting to build up again. The module is incredibly packed so as to accommodate this lovely long weekend that I find myself blogging on.

The work is interesting but incredibly morbid. It feels so weird to be looking at patients that have demised already. Medicine is mostly about saving lives and ensuring that people are given the chance to live longer. Forensics feels very dark in comparison to other parts of medicine🤔.

Burgeoning Adulthood . . .

In a few short days I shall be celebrating my 21st birthday !🎁 I’m excited and I will enjoy myself as much as I can before I start my next rotation which is Psychiatry ! I am enjoying  growing up and seeing myself and my priorities in life change.tumblr_inline_nij10yog1O1smgkdx

It’s difficult to see the difference from year to year but I can definitely see how much I have changed from first year when I turned 18.

A lot of my philosophies , opinions and aspects of my personality have changed. Most of these , if not all, for the better.

I feel focused , confident and determined. I don’t feel so lost anymore. A lot of the things that I do and invest my time and energy in are things that make me genuinely happy and excited. I’ve stopped trying to live up to any ideals that made me feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Ataraxia – a state of serene calmness– is something that I aspire to experience continuously. I have found that by curbing stressful influences , I am able to focus on whatever task or obligation is at hand.

Part of that has included decreasing my social media usage and actually making lasting memories consistently instead of being focused on documenting relentlessly. I really did not appreciate that I wasted time spent with friends and family not being in the moment.  I had to come up with rules for myself such as switching my data off , not obsessing over captions, filters and status updates when going out. i need someone to get it

This sort of explains my absence from blogging for nearly two months. I still love blogging and this blog will always be a place of refuge for me. I just figured that I can share more if I experience more and part of that includes allowing myself to live more 🙂

I am without a doubt much happier. Until I blog again (hopefully soon ) ❤

Lots Of Lily Love

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