The Alignment of Miracles ✨

As someone whose entire existence thrives on planning and preparation , I feel really insulted when I cannot put my exceptional skills to use.

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Mountains To Surmount 

I have been in a default state of panic since the beginning of my Student Internship !😱

9 weeks ago , I embarked on the final 18 months of my medical school career ! I am on the surgical half of my rotation schedule.   I started with my small surgical blocks ; ENT, Urology , Anesthetics and Ophthalmology. Each block is three weeks long.

Next year I will finish the rest of my surgical blocks ; Orthopedics , General Surgery and Family Medicine. These blocks are slightly longer but once completed , I will write my FINAL surgical exams in April 2019. Ending on my birthday . 😅

 I have completed three small surgical  blocks and tomorrow I am going to begin my final small block , Ophthalmology.

My excitement has slowly dissipated during the past 9 weeks.  I’ve had my fair share of disappointments during this period of time. It hasn’t been completely awful but “meh” accurately describes some of the experiences I’ve had. 

That face you make when you’re in the library waiting  to write your third EOB test in 9 weeks 😛 

Every time I become accustomed to the way activities are performed in a certain discipline or veer towards any type of comfort (which usually leads to an upstroke in confidence ), I have to start all over again.

It was particularly more difficult during Anaesthetics . I felt that of all the blocks , it deserved to be longer. The skills they expected us to have mastered were quite advanced for a block that we had never been exposed to practically before.

Throwback to 6 AM mornings during Anaesthetics ! 

Not only is it exhausting , it is also demotivating. It makes it very difficult for me to “plan”. As someone whose entire existence thrives on prior planning and preparation , I feel really insulted and lost when I cannot put my good skills to use. 

Everything is expedited and I often fall prey to completing my tasks at the very last minute.  It’s a very uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling. Which , of course , does absolutely nothing for my fragile nerves.

Letting my flowers bloom 🌺

Enough of my academic gloom and doom. Mentally and emotionally , I have been in a thrilling space.  I am invigorated and finally feel ready for my flowers to bloom once again!  Yes , metaphors galore but to sum it all up : I’m doing fantastically !

A GIF of myself because it is absolutely necessary for the world to be in possession of one 🙂 

I am being utterly selfish and focusing on MYself and MY needs and want I want and it has been great !  It has been a challenge to live according to this selfish modus operandi but it has also been liberating. 

This year has not been perfect but I think the most important thing is that I have tried.  I have tried to make it my year and that is all the peace of mind I require. I have been in contact with people who have made it easy to feel at peace with myself , for which I am incredibly thankful.  After the emotional and catastrophic experience I faced approximately 12 months ago ,where my ego and confidence took a huge knock , I’m glad to be doing well again 🙂 

In a few months , I will be starting my final year of medical school ! It has been an incredible journey thus far and I want to give nothing but my very best in my final few months  . This degree has been an incredible sacrifice and it will be most rewarding to see it all pay off .

I finally have a graduation date ! It is slowly starting to become real that in my very near future , I will be a doctor!

I think I am reaching astronomical levels of obsession with the brain 🙂 ❤ 

Lily x

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