Mountains To Surmount
I have been in a default state of panic since the beginning of my Student Internship !😱
9 weeks ago , I embarked on the final 18 months of my medical school career ! I am on the surgical half of my rotation schedule. I started with my small surgical blocks ; ENT, Urology , Anesthetics and Ophthalmology. Each block is three weeks long.
Next year I will finish the rest of my surgical blocks ; Orthopedics , General Surgery and Family Medicine. These blocks are slightly longer but once completed , I will write my FINAL surgical exams in April 2019. Ending on my birthday . 😅
I have completed three small surgical blocks and tomorrow I am going to begin my final small block , Ophthalmology.
My excitement has slowly dissipated during the past 9 weeks. I’ve had my fair share of disappointments during this period of time. It hasn’t been completely awful but “meh” accurately describes some of the experiences I’ve had.
Every time I become accustomed to the way activities are performed in a certain discipline or veer towards any type of comfort (which usually leads to an upstroke in confidence ), I have to start all over again.
It was particularly more difficult during Anaesthetics . I felt that of all the blocks , it deserved to be longer. The skills they expected us to have mastered were quite advanced for a block that we had never been exposed to practically before.
Not only is it exhausting , it is also demotivating. It makes it very difficult for me to “plan”. As someone whose entire existence thrives on prior planning and preparation , I feel really insulted and lost when I cannot put my good skills to use.
Everything is expedited and I often fall prey to completing my tasks at the very last minute. It’s a very uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling. Which , of course , does absolutely nothing for my fragile nerves.
Letting my flowers bloom 🌺
Enough of my academic gloom and doom. Mentally and emotionally , I have been in a thrilling space. I am invigorated and finally feel ready for my flowers to bloom once again! Yes , metaphors galore but to sum it all up : I’m doing fantastically !
I am being utterly selfish and focusing on MYself and MY needs and want I want and it has been great ! It has been a challenge to live according to this selfish modus operandi but it has also been liberating.
This year has not been perfect but I think the most important thing is that I have tried. I have tried to make it my year and that is all the peace of mind I require. I have been in contact with people who have made it easy to feel at peace with myself , for which I am incredibly thankful. After the emotional and catastrophic experience I faced approximately 12 months ago ,where my ego and confidence took a huge knock , I’m glad to be doing well again 🙂
In a few months , I will be starting my final year of medical school ! It has been an incredible journey thus far and I want to give nothing but my very best in my final few months . This degree has been an incredible sacrifice and it will be most rewarding to see it all pay off .
I finally have a graduation date ! It is slowly starting to become real that in my very near future , I will be a doctor!